Last week I wrote about what to do when life piles on. This week I want to talk about something that sounds simple but might be the hardest thing you do: figuring out what actually matters to you—and making time for it.
Here's the catch. You can't figure out what matters most when your brain is spinning. You can't hear what you really want when there are seventeen tabs open in your head. And you definitely can't prioritize from a place of depletion.
It's a chicken-and-egg thing. You need space to figure out what matters. But you can't make space until you know what matters enough to protect. So where do you start?
You start with your morning.
I've Tried Everything
I mean that. Since my early twenties I have tried every method, system, journal, app, retreat, and ritual to slow down enough to hear my own voice underneath the noise. Some of it worked for a minute. Most of it became another thing on the list.
What I've landed on after 35 years of searching is almost embarrassingly simple: a light morning routine, done most mornings, changes everything.
Not every morning. Not perfectly. 80 to 90 percent of the time is enough.
A Few Minutes. That's It.
I'm not asking you to wake up at 4am. I'm not asking you to meditate for an hour or journal five pages or do a full workout before sunrise. I'm asking you to carve out a few minutes—maybe five, maybe fifteen—before the world gets its hands on you.
That's the window. Before the emails. Before the texts. Before someone else's agenda becomes your morning.
What you do in those minutes almost doesn't matter. Move a little. Breathe. Stand outside. Drink your water or your coffee without looking at a screen. Sit with yourself for long enough to notice how you actually feel.
That's it.
Why Mornings Work
Here's what I've learned: the morning is the only part of the day that's truly yours. By 9am, you belong to everyone else. But those first quiet minutes? Nobody's asked you for anything yet. Your nervous system hasn't ramped up. You're still close to whatever settled in overnight.
When you protect that window—even a small one—something shifts. Not dramatically. Not on day one. But over time, you start to hear yourself again. You start to notice what lights you up and what drains you. You start to feel the difference between what you think you should want and what you actually want.
That's where figuring out what matters most begins. Not with a grand plan. With a few quiet minutes and the willingness to listen.
UNGRIP the Pressure to Do It Right
If you're already tensing up about "building a morning routine," soften. This isn't another system to perfect. This is permission to simply be with yourself before the day takes over.
Some mornings it'll be ten minutes of stillness. Some mornings it'll be stretching on the floor while the coffee brews. Some mornings you'll skip it entirely because the dog got sick or your kid called or you just couldn't. That's fine. Come back tomorrow.
The practice isn't rigidity. The practice is returning.
And here's what nobody tells you: when you give yourself those few grounded minutes most mornings, everything that comes after gets easier. Not easy—easier. The hard conversation at work. The decision you've been avoiding. The overwhelm that hits at 3pm. You meet all of it from a slightly different place. A place where you've already checked in with yourself. A place where you're not running on empty before the day even starts.
Start This Week
Pick a morning. Set your alarm five minutes earlier—or just don't pick up your phone right away. Give yourself a few minutes of nothing. No agenda. No optimization. Just you, present, before the noise begins.
Do that most days. See what happens.
You might be surprised by what you hear when you finally get quiet enough to listen.